My birthday this year was mighty fun. Spent time with family (seeing my extended family from Virginia was wonderful) and friends, had a lot of out-of-state visitors. Blowing up the castle cakes with firecrackers was probably my favorite part of the evening. (Yes. You heard me right. We baked two cakes in a castle-shaped cake pan, took them outside, stuffed firecrackers in them, lit the fuse and ran. It was my Mother's idea for my nephew several years ago and I just loved it, so I wanted to do it this year.)

There was food. So much food. The party was quite large actually, much larger than I was expecting. Loud music played throughout the house as my collection of loved ones shuffled throughout my home. It felt like it was Christmas, a little.

My mother baked me a Harry Potter birthday cake like I asked. It looked like this but with chocolate frosting instead. It even said "Happee Birthdae Harry" on it and had the crack down the middle. Don't ask me why I wanted one, I just did for some reason.

I recieved gifts this year, as well.

Sheep decided he wanted to re-build my entire computer setup this year as m gift. In approximately a week, I'll be receiving a new custom built computer with an excellent video card, 2 gigs of ram, 232gb hard drive and many more pretty features. He also purchased a new monitor for me - it's a 22" wide screen flat panel. I've never had a widescreen before, but it's gorgeous. I'll post pictures below.

Sam gave me a beta key for Wrath of the Lich king, which I've been playing incessantly since I recieved it. I have a gallery of screenshots uploaded here, so feel free to check them out. (And envy me. Muahaha.) [Sidenote: It's incredibly nice to talk to Sam again.]

I saw Chris (Drunky, as I used to call him) for the first time since he moved to Texas. I can't believe how tall he is... 6'3" is quite intimidating to a 5'5" woman. His gift to me was a few shots at the bar after my party was over. ;) Steve was here as well, and brought with him the gift of infinite hugs and tons of laughs. (Best free present ever, IMO. Plus he drove my "drunk ass" [I was not drunk, but everyone said I was] home that evening.)

All in all, my birthday was spectacular this year. I hope I'll see more friends and family next year for another gathering.

In other news, I may be getting a new car. It's a 2001 Jetta that looks almost exactly like this one, except I think the one I'm thinking of buying might be in better shape than the one in the photo. (I had to google search for a shot of one.) I'm in the process of loan talks with my bank right now. My current car has been good to me and lasted through a lot but I think it's on it's last legs now. If I do get this new car, traveling will be much easier. I've wanted to take more trips... California, Florida, Texas, New York, Kentucky, Ohio... All these places I'd like to go, but I can't drive there because I think my car would implode. Not a comforting feeling.

In my last bit of updating, I'd like to show you some Myspace layouts I've been whipping up via commissions or referrals. They can all be found here.

I suppose that's all for now. Keep in touch, everyone.

Current Music: Bob Marley - This is Love

 

I made a new piece in Photoshop today. I'm quite happy with the results. In my first attempt I nearly gave up because I couldn't figure out how to create the effect that I wanted, but upon perusing the internet I found inspiration.

Current Music: Daddy DJ - Please Take Me To The Party

 

It's 5:42 AM and I can't sleep. My mind is wide awake. Fresh, cold air is pouring in my window. My hamster is running feverishly on his little wheel and my cat is nestled comfortably in my Japanese blanket. I have six candles lit and The Smashing Pumpkins playing through my headset.

My mind is wild with heart-torturing "what if"s this evening (morning...). This always happens to me when it gets cold - winter brings out a side of me I wish I could just beat into the concrete and never see again. I hate my sappy side. I want to destroy it. I'm not the bad girl. I'm not... I'm just the one that dreams too much. The bad stuff isn't me. It shouldn't be me. It was me, but I changed. I wanted to change. I have changed. I am changed. All this changing and you still haunt my head. You pervade the filters I attempt to install to sift your memories away. Damn it.

I'm watching the sun slowly creep over the trees of my peaceful and quiet neighborhood as retro lyrics fill my head with a musical form of temporary relief. The air is cold. I am cold. My computer chair sits right beside my window and I'm breaking the breeze with bare skin. It's funny how you can look at the sky and it will be inky black... You look away for a few minutes... And when you look back, a light violet is spreading across the sky, melding with the midnight and creating a canvas worthy of making the most exquisite painter's pallet envious. Life is like that. You wait too long and everything will shift on you.

All the time... I always forget to forget you. I keep hoping for some sort of fairy story ending... Like I said before, that's just Hollywood. Someone should really sue their asses for false advertising.


 

I added new things to my "Everything Book" from my trip to New York yesterday. I somewhat regret doing it now - my visit to Manhattan was nice but I deeply wish it was with someone else. Never the less, the trip and the events that took place are part of me now... And I guess having them immortalized in The Book are just part of my story. How I wish I could change it, though. (I did not visit Manhattan with James. I stayed in New York with James and his fiance, but I went to Manhattan with someone else.)

I find myself wishing I hadn't kicked myself in the teeth months ago by burning a bridge with my stupidity. I've always been of the "since I don't regret who I am, I don't regret where I've been" mentality... But I can say with much sincerity that I can think of one very huge mistake that I'll regret until my deathbed. Can I ever be comfortable with myself then? Would I be hypocritical if I was?

It's bright and sunny today, so unfitting for my mood. I feel somber. I've been listening to '1979' by The Smashing Pumpkins over and over again, just thinking about the last year of my life and how everything could've been so much better... How I could have made things so much different.

We all know wishing doesn't work. The funny cute stories you see in the movies aren't real. People just don't forgive, no matter how hard you try... No matter what lengths you go to. No matter how sorry you are, or how hurt you feel, no matter what changes you make - you're unforgiven. You don't get to have a "You've Got Mail" story, where you start out as enemies and wind up falling in love. It's all Hollywood making us wish for something that will never happen.


I tried to change my stars. I tried so hard just to fall. I'm closing my eyes and erasing everything from my memory now, and my soul will be just a little colder every night because of it.

Needless to say, with everything considered, my heart is being pulled. I feel very lifeless at the moment. I am somewhat glad I have a birthday this weekend; it will give me something to look forward to. I'll have people to spend time with... Some of which I haven't seen in years. I plan on injesting a lot of alcohol on Saturday and getting drunk off my ass... I still have a full bottle of Bacardi O from when I was in New York. It's about time that bottle was emptied.


Current Music: The Smashing Pumpkins - 1979