Since people from my past have decided to wriggle their ways into my life in a most abrasive fashion and attempt to use my past to hurt me, I figured I'd save them the trouble and tell it like it really is and always has been.

I've cheated on boyfriends before. Multiple times in fact, and I've lied about it. I've done it more times than I can count. I've slept around quite a bit. Am I proud of it? No. Do I regret it? No. It's life. All choices I've made. It's not a huge deal to me. Should I have cheated? No, certainly not. Should I have lied? Definitely not. Did I act maturely? Hell no. But it did in fact happen, and I can't change that.

One thing I do have an impact on is the future, and my future actions. Having learned a thing or two from my mistakes, I'm able to determine a better course of action when it comes to situations like this. Do I still sleep around? Not really, no.

And for the record, I'm clean of STDs. When I went to my doctor to have my mouth checked last month because I THOUGHT I had one, they did several tests and all came back negative. The flip side is that I may have oral cancer, but that's neither here nor there.

Insults really have no weight with me anymore. A couple of years ago, if I had read the colorful and long comments posted on the blog before this, it would've broken me down. That's the difference - people change. Things change. Time changes. Everything changes. I've changed. Things like that are petty and don't matter to me anymore.

I do value the truth, though, which is why I'm saying this now.

Am I scared or ashamed to admit any of this? Not particularly. Having a lot of sex isn't exactly uncommon these days. I'm not saying you/I -should-, but it's certainly not uncommon.

Moving along to other truths - I was a spoiled, spoiled brat when I was younger. Boy, if things didn't go my way I would throw a FIT. I'd cry, scream, lie; whatever I had to do to make myself feel better about the situation. I was selfish; everything had to be my way or I hated it. I'm still that way to an extent, but for the most part I control my selfishness. I'm not perfect, I screw up now and then,  but I do try to act more adult. I still act immaturely. I still do stupid stuff.

I lied my head off to get what I wanted. I lied in relationships all the time because I was never comfortable with who I was. I was a fuck up, and subconsciously I knew it but didn't want anyone else to know it, so I lied to appear more grand than I really was. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, so I created a very pretty shell to hide in. All said and done it was pretty retarded, but hey, people do stupid things sometimes. I also used sex as a confidence booster. "If a guy thinks I'm attractive enough to sleep with, then it must be true!" A stupid, stupid mentality. Most men will fuck anything with a hole nowadays; it has nothing to do with physical or mental appeal. Some of it was pity for me, maybe. Who knows?

More truths - There are probably nude photos of me flying around on the internet somewhere. With everything that's happened lately I wouldn't be surprised if some of them surfaced in a malicious way in an attempt to humiliate and hurt me. If it does happen, it'll be dealt with through the legal system. I won't stand for people trying to hurt me. It wouldn't really even be all that embarrassing, but it would give me a chance to strike back. :)

Even more truths - I'm fat and I'm okay with it. Last time I was at the doctor I weighed somewhere around 240 pounds. It's just a number. I'm dieting and walking a lot to lose weight so I can be healthier and happier. I'll say it again - I'm fat. A lot of people are fat. I'm betting you, the reader, are fat or you're directly associated with someone who is. Who cares? We're all fat. Most of America is fat. Pfft. I'm not happy with the way that I look, but that's why I'm taking steps to change it. No huge deal. (Pun intended.) (Ashli used to be quite thin. Now she's fat. Michelle is fat. Peaches is fat. Matt is fat. It's not national news. People eat, they get fat. Who cares?)

Truth ahoy - I've wasted a lot of my life. Good news is that I'm enrolling myself in school again and my orientation begins March 2nd, 2009. I'm going for Forensic Anthropology. I'm excited to take my life and make something with it, instead of being a loser like I always feared I would be.

A moment of... TRUTH! - I backstabbed people left and right when I was younger. Part of it was because I wanted to fit in everywhere, and the reason for that was because I was never comfortable with myself (which I covered earlier). I did betray. I did lie. I did hurt. I did it with full knowledge I'd do it. I didn't do it because I WANTED to hurt someone, but I did it because I wanted to make myself feel better. Again, I was selfish. Can't change it.

I'm not perfect and I never have been. I'll lie again, I'll act immaturely, I'll behave selfishly, I don't know if I'm ever going to sleep with someone I don't love again (but you never know), I'm going to be fat for a while, I'm still clean of STDs and plan to stay that way, I'm going to college soon and I'm comfortable with who I am now, what I was before and what I'm going to become.

To the people trying to hurt me (you know who you are) - I sort of feel sorry for you. You mention all the bad parts of my past in an attempt to mutilate my self esteem; all you're doing is trying to e-bully someone. E-BULLY. Come on, seriously? You're picking a fight on the internet. Do you realize how stupid that is? E-bullying. Wow. :|

You're bringing out all of my dirty laundry for the world to see, telling me I act like I'm perfect (which was true) but honestly, can you tell the world that you're perfect? Can you tell them that you've never screwed up, never lied, never cheated, never hurt someone? Can you do what I've just done? Could you tell the entire world the "embarrassing" details of your past? If you can, then please do. Since we're all about honesty here, why not share yours too? Or should I divulge the information with your consent as you did to me? This website is not hidden. This blog is not locked. This is public, world-wide. Anyone that reads English can see what I've said and comprehend what I'm saying. I am not ashamed.

I hold no ill-will towards any of you, and I don't care what you think of me. I'm not scared to tell the truth. I need people to know the truth. I've needed it for a very long time. Thank you for giving me an excuse to publicly express it, I appreciate it more than you know.

Call me what you want, apply any labels or names you choose.

Slut: True.
Liar: True.
Fat: True.
Loser: True. At least, until I complete college. ;)
Bitch: True.
Back-stabber: True.

All so very true of my past. Not so true of me now.

As for the comments left on my previous entry, people have asked why I haven't removed them. Maybe I will, some day - but for now, I'm going to leave them there. It's a more harsh version of "truth" (well, some of it is bullshit, but some of it isn't). I suppose I'll leave it there so you can read for yourself the things that were said about me and the manner in which they were said. Like I've been trying to say this whole time, things have changed. I have changed. I don't need to lie anymore, because I'm comfortable. So there won't be any lies this time - this is all honest-to-God, balls-to-the-wall truth. If I've left anything out, please let me know.